Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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