Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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