Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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