My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
