every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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