I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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