At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
