Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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