And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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