I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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