I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
