I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
