Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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