Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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