Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
