you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
