Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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