I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
