we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
