wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
