dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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