Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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