Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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