I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
