please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
