i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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