well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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