That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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