I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize