Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
