mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
