he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I look better un-naked...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
