just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
