The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
