He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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