You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
