Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
