Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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