i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
