He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
