i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
