You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
