Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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