Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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