He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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