Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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