I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You ruined the universe
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
