yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's great music for shaving your balls
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
