Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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