Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
