He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
