I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
