Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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