i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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