She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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