I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
