people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
