so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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