my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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