our cab driver is having phone sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
