Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Farmville is her only friend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
