yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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