reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
