After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
