The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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