There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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