If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You pole danced in your parka.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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