elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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