3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
