And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
