i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
