Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
